Bend the fresh sticks

Ever wondered why not only children but adults too suffer from self-image?

Children are fragile at a young age and that's why their environment has a huge influence on them, either on positive grounds or on negative grounds that's why some children suffer from self-image because of the environment they took off from.

Too early parents neglect their children, some children witness their ill-treatment to each other, and some parents are uninvolved in what happens to their children and all this comes down to silly excuses like im busy at work, don't have enough money, etc…

Instead, of complaining about the difficulties, try finding other ways of solving your shortcomings to your children because in the words of Frederick Douglass: “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” And it's true. You cannot give a child back their childhood.

You cannot undo trauma once it is experienced, you can only alleviate the harm. It is far more effective, cost-effective, and fruitful to do everything in our power to give ALL children the kind of start and the kind of future they deserve.

You can't be working yourself out for their future when you haven't laid a strong foundation for them.

When we don't assess all aspects of children's minds when they are young, we fail to cultivate them.

Sometimes is not the lack of awareness but the lack of progress.

Do not serotype in the educations of children because when you do, you limit their true potential. Both boys and girls miss out.

What we say to our children matters, our words directly influence their potentials….

Use experiences (child's equipment or material) to explain things to them.

For example, A child struggling with self-image…. Trampoline is the best equipment and language a child could understand fast.

Bending the fresh stick is…. Building a strong foundation for your children.

I don't mean pampering them, maltreating them, or being strict [ Balance the equation.]

Tips on how you can influence a kid positively:

1. Be available:

Nothing says, “You matter” more than a busy parent stopping what they are doing and giving a child some undivided attention. Children whose parents are emotional “there’ for their kids have better social, academic, and wellbeing outcomes than those whose parents aren’t available.

When our kids want our attention, we’ll have a more positive influence if we give it to them.

2. Be warm:

Sometimes we can forget that our children are people too – particularly when they become those intensely private, hormonal adolescents. We become snappy and snarky, dismissive or disapproving.

By responding to our kids warmly (even when we don’t feel like it), we show that we value them as people, rather than inconvenient nuisances – even when they sometimes feel like that’s exactly what they are! A gentle touch, a smile, or soft words bring warmth to a relationship, and make it far more likely that we’ll be listened to, and have a positive influence in our children’s lives.

3. Listen but don't fix:

Parents are great at fixing things. We can fix sore knees, broken hearts, messy friendships, and even some difficult homework projects. But our kids generally don’t need us to fix them. They just want us to ‘get’ what they’re going through. When we see the world through their eyes, we are more understanding – and more likely to be listened to when our children need us.

4. Set Limits:

Sometimes nothing says “I love you” more than a firm and clear “No!” from mum or dad. Our children including our teenagers do best when there are limits placed on their behavior.

“No, it’s not ok for you to stay out until midnight. You’re 14.”

“No, it’s not ok to drink alcohol – here or anywhere else. You’re under 18.”

“No, you can’t take the car on a road trip with your mates.”

“No, I don’t feel right about you having your smartphone/tablet/laptop in your bedroom. Ever!”

The kids will often argue with you. That’s fine, they’re supposed to! But setting limits means that you ARE having a positive influence on your children. The trick is to not become too authoritarian or you’ll simply drive unwanted behavior underground.

5. Play:

Playing games and laughing together binds us close to our kids. Whether we’re playing ping pong, cooking a new recipe, dancing in the lounge room on the Wii, or having a wrestle or tickle, play builds relationships. We can touch each other, connect, enjoy fun rivalries, and learn together. Through play, we build a relationship of trust with our children that facilitates ongoing positive influence in their lives.

6. Be grateful:

Grateful people are happier, healthier, have better relationships, have less alcohol or drug consumption, better sleep, more income, are less materialistic, get better grades and work outcomes, and are more energetic. By being grateful you’ll be a positive influence in the lives of your children.

Say thanks often – and mean it.

7. Be fair:

Children have an acute sense of what’s fair and what’s not. Positive psychology researcher, Chris Peterson, identified fairness as a key strength that helps us maintain positive relationships within our families. As far as you possibly can, find ways to help your children perceive your efforts at making life fair for everyone in the family. You might consider issues around chores and responsibilities, pocket money, and time with you.

8. Set high expectations:

Parents who expect a lot of their children generally have children who live up to those expectations – so long as those expectations are communicated warmly, and we have our children’s (and not our own) best interests at heart. So set high expectations around academic achievement, morality, alcohol and drug behaviors, and friendships. If you do it with warmth and kindness, you’ll have a lasting positive influence on your children and their decisions.

9. Talk to them about your struggles:

Don’t pretend to be invulnerable to life’s challenges. Instead, let your kids understand some of your struggles. Give them insight into the way you solve your problems. Show them that good things don’t arrive on silver platters – they take work, sacrifice, and great effort and discipline. Your resilience to life’s setbacks can have an enormous positive influence on your children’s lives.

10. Love them and show it every day:

We’re always correcting our kids, or telling them what to do. Pick this up, put that away, get off the computer, pack your bag, tidy up your room, and so on… and that’s before 7.30 in the morning! Our ratio of negative to positive statements is all too often the wrong way around. Psychological researchers suggest that for a relationship to thrive, we need to have a 12:1 ratio of positive to negative statements. So find opportunities to tell your kids

“I appreciate you.”

“You make a positive difference around here.”

“You are so important to me.”

“I am amazed at the exceptional effort you make at…”

“I love you – no matter what.”

Our time with our kids is short. By setting a positive example, we can be a positive and lasting influence in our children’s lives.